Relationship Therapy Case Study
Finding a way forward after trust has been shaken
They came to therapy looking for a space to understand what had happened, explore how they had reached this point and consider what they wanted for their future.
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Sam, 45, and Frank, 48, came to relationship therapy at a point of uncertainty. They have three teenage daughters and were trying to work out whether they wanted to stay together.
Frank had been drinking more, and Sam had discovered that he had been meeting with a woman from his office. This had shaken her trust and brought long-standing difficulties in their relationship into focus.
They came to therapy looking for a space to understand what had happened, explore how they had reached this point and consider what they wanted for their future.
Creating space for difficult conversations
When trust has been damaged, conversations can quickly become painful or overwhelming. One partner may need answers, while the other may feel defensive or ashamed. Both can be left feeling unheard.
My first aim was to offer Sam and Frank a calm, supportive space where each could speak openly about their experience. I supported them to slow down conversations that felt difficult and to listen to one another without needing to respond immediately.
The work was not about persuading them to stay together. It was about helping them understand what was happening between them so that they could make a more considered decision about their relationship.
Looking beneath the betrayal
As we explored what had happened, I proposed that Frank’s betrayal might, in part, have been an expression of his frustration and unhappiness in the relationship. This was an invitation to understand what had been happening for him, not an excuse for his behaviour or the hurt it had caused Sam.
During the sessions, Frank spoke about feeling ignored and unimportant. He shared that he had felt he was no longer a priority in Sam’s life. Sam was able to acknowledge that Frank had not been her priority for a long time.
This was a significant conversation. It gave Frank an opportunity to put his feelings into words and allowed Sam to recognise an aspect of their relationship that had become difficult to see. At the same time, it remained important that there was space for Sam’s hurt and for Frank to take responsibility for his choices.
Understanding their relationship patterns
Drawing on developmental models of couples therapy, I worked with Sam and Frank to become more aware of the patterns that had developed between them. We explored how each responded when they felt hurt, disconnected or misunderstood, and how those responses affected the other.
I encouraged them both to reflect on their own part in the difficulties in their relationship. This did not mean treating every action as equally responsible or asking either person to accept blame for the other’s choices. It meant helping each of them become more aware of what they could understand and change in the way they related to one another.
The developmental approach also supports each partner to express their own feelings and needs while remaining open to their partner’s different experience. For Sam and Frank, this meant making room for both the pain of the betrayal and the disconnection Frank had described.
Learning to regulate emotions and request change
Difficult conversations are hard to navigate when either person feels overwhelmed. I worked with Sam and Frank on emotional regulation: noticing when their feelings were becoming more intense, recognising their reactions and taking time to settle before continuing a conversation.
Drawing on Gottman-informed approaches, we also practised how to request change more clearly and respectfully. Rather than relying on criticism or expecting the other person to know what was needed, I encouraged them to identify their feelings and make a specific request.
This gave them an opportunity to practise communicating in a way that made it easier for the other to hear what mattered to them, even when they did not immediately agree.
Choosing to stay together
Through therapy, Sam and Frank gained new insight into their behaviour towards one another and developed ways to communicate their needs and wants more clearly. With a better understanding of the patterns in their relationship and what they each wanted to change, they decided to stay together.
Their experience shows how relationship therapy can provide space to explore hurt and disconnection, develop greater awareness and make a more informed choice about the future. Each couple’s circumstances are different, and the outcome of therapy will depend on their individual situation.
If trust has been affected, communication feels difficult, or you are unsure about the future of your relationship, I offer relationship therapy in London and online.
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