Finding connection before becoming parents

The situation

M and T, two men in their early thirties, came to relationship therapy after six years of living together. They were in the process of adopting a child and wanted to improve their communication and reduce arguments before welcoming a child into their home. We worked together over 12 sessions.

Understanding their pattern

When difficulties arose, M tended to pursue discussion while T withdrew. This left them struggling to communicate, particularly around concerns about intimacy. Our work focused on recognising this pattern and becoming curious about the feelings beneath their responses.

We explored relevant aspects of their individual experiences. M described having been the “golden child” in his family, which offered a starting point for exploring expectations within relationships. T had an autism diagnosis. We made room to understand his individual experience without assuming that his diagnosis explained every difficulty between them.

An important part of the work was recognising that the same situation could evoke very different feelings and responses in each partner.

Creating space for feelings

Drawing on Gottman-informed approaches and developmental models of couples therapy, I supported M and T to notice their feelings, communicate them more calmly and make respectful requests for change.

A significant turning point came when T was able to connect with his feelings and express them during a session. This gave us an opportunity to slow down and make space for his emotional experience within their conversation.

I felt warmth towards both partners. My aim was to help each feel heard while supporting them to understand the pattern they created together.

Building acceptance and communication

Across the 12 sessions, M and T developed greater acceptance of the differences between them. They became more able to recognise their feelings and express them in a measured way, alongside growing their ability to request change respectfully.

The progress lay in how they responded to their differences. Greater awareness and acceptance helped them communicate with more consideration as they prepared for parenthood.

What the work illustrates

Their experience illustrates how relationship therapy can help couples understand recurring patterns, make room for individual differences and develop more connected ways of communicating.